Off my definitively unturtlenecked chest…

Posted on August 24, 2007


As in, I’m going to have unload, before I explode. So, please be aware this is a (very rare for me) rant, pure and simple.

It’s about Macs.

I don’t like them. Or rather I don’t like the idea of owning one of them, or being associated with the company that makes them. I’m sure, as many friends have assured me, that they work supremely well, are quick and relatively trouble free, but JESUS CHRIST TO FUCK do Mac owners have to be so spew-inducingly, smugly supercilious about owning them?

Really? I mean honest to God, so they’ve got a nice bit of kit that the hackers haven’t troubled to find horribly destructive viruses for (and why is that by the way? If I were a bored superintelligent Siberian teenager intending to cause as much Western angst as I could I’d devote my life to the challenge), but what’s the big deal with taking every opportunity to dis people who just want a computer that does a job? Why this licenced smugness? Apple’s own marketing supports this – what was that online campaign with Mitchell and Webb (you know the dorky one and the cool one – I’ll leave it for you to guess which represented which type of computer) all about if the point wasn’t – “own a Mac and look down on boring people”?

Get this though. It’s a computer. It’s a tool. It does a job, and that’s all most people want from it. PC’s are functional and they’re cheap. What’s so wrong with that? Maybe that says a lot about my attitude to material things – I don’t buy stuff for associated cache. I don’t do labels. My VW is reliable and has a big enough boot for my piano. Sorted. But do you know what? I don’t see many Porche owners overtaking me, leering out the window and making wanker signs just because the bought a nice bit of kit and I chose not to.

So what is it with this egregious snobbery? Answers on a very small postcard to Steve Jobs please. And not the “fake Steve Jobs” either. Apparently a lot of people find him amusing, but I found this unfunny and insulting.

Here’s a question that’s been sort of circulating in my head. If Macs are so superior to PCs, why don’t they outsell PCs by a factor of thousands? I find the Microsoft operating system lock-down conspiracy argument facile. Isn’t it more because by keeping the product “exclusive” they keep offering their customers the licence to be snide?

Rant over.


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